ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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