I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
