1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
