Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Randomize
