Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
