hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
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P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
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Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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