Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Success! We fucked roommates!
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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