Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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