Me too!
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
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