i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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