Jerry, you need to find god
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
We had to coat check the pizza.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
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