For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
