just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
