I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
