Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
