There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
