Your favorite bartender is back from prision
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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