i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
