So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
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