No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
