If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
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Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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