He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
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