Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
