if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
