she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
