pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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