FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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