well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
MIDGETS
????
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
