I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Randomize
