I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
