Even the bartender felt bad for me
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Randomize
