I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
