I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
