kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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