And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
