6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
