I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
