Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
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