Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
