How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
