did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
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