i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
