So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize