I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
