Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
