i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
