i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
sarcasm needs its own font
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Randomize
