You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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