i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
