but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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