she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
