Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
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