I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a lot of him and a little penis
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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