Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
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