Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
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