it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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