Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
21 NSFW Facts About Famous Celebrities That Will Blow Your Mind
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
These Are 19 of the Most Horrible Strangers People Had to Sit Next to
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.