Texts From Last Night

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  (586): View more from Michigan

  Don't forget I'm 20 now

  (1-586): View more from Michigan

  I liked you more when you were 19

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  (586): Don't forget I'm 20 now (1-586): I liked you more when you were 19 http://tfl.nu/sj6s
  Replies (1) Good night (877) Bad night (1070)
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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.

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  (401): I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls. http://tfl.nu/rm2y
  Replies (35) Good night (3445) Bad night (986)
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?

  (404): View more from Georgia

  You mean bread?

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  (678): All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast? (404): You mean bread? http://tfl.nu/0bp8
  Replies (60) Good night (17332) Bad night (1547)
• Favorite

  (320): View more from Minnesota

  Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...

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  (320): Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs... http://tfl.nu/sf3t
  Replies (56) Good night (1509) Bad night (4231)
• Favorite

  (770): View more from Georgia

  I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.

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  (770): I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar. http://tfl.nu/rlky
  Replies (9) Good night (4022) Bad night (2293)
• Favorite

  (972): View more from Texas

  It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.

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  (972): It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians. http://tfl.nu/8vkd
  Replies (18) Good night (4821) Bad night (1646)
• Favorite

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged

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  (814): What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged http://tfl.nu/ocss
  Replies (4) Good night (1633) Bad night (1122)
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone

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  (512): I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone http://tfl.nu/z79l
  Replies (11) Good night (1848) Bad night (533)
• Favorite

  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.

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  (918): I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey. http://tfl.nu/6r6d
  Replies (15) Good night (1904) Bad night (518)
• Favorite

  (706): View more from Georgia

  I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.

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  (706): I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever. http://tfl.nu/oprl
  Replies (4) Good night (1366) Bad night (387)
• Favorite

  (302): View more from Delaware

  It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead

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  (302): It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead http://tfl.nu/d4qx
  Replies (3) Good night (966) Bad night (334)
• Favorite

  (480): View more from Arizona

  So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.

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  (480): So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely. http://tfl.nu/qe4o
  Replies (2) Good night (643) Bad night (341)
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear

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  (717): Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear http://tfl.nu/2cuy
  Replies (1) Good night (421) Bad night (512)
• Favorite

  (212): View more from New York

  No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?

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  (212): No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe? http://tfl.nu/wrdf
  Replies (0) Good night (454) Bad night (337)
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered

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  (303): Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered http://tfl.nu/0k0t
  Replies (2) Good night (588) Bad night (351)

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