Texts From Last Night

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  (404): View more from Georgia

  In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.

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  (404): In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson. http://tfl.nu/jbmm
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  (678): View more from Georgia

  Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.

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  (678): Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house. http://tfl.nu/flvn
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.

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  (402): birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented. http://tfl.nu/mdbr
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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  No subtext here. People are naked.

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  (612): No subtext here. People are naked. http://tfl.nu/tn4y
  Replies (7) Good night (4061) Bad night (627) Order T-Shirt
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos

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  (617): the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos http://tfl.nu/3hab
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  (530): View more from California

  The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.

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  (530): The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me. http://tfl.nu/yiwo
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  (815): View more from Illinois

  im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine

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  (815): im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine http://tfl.nu/4lyn
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up

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  (402): Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up http://tfl.nu/1eo4
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  (228): View more from Mississippi

  He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"

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  (228): He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good" http://tfl.nu/hwu1
  Replies (33) Good night (6576) Bad night (976) Order T-Shirt
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  (713): View more from Texas

  You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".

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  (713): You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress". http://tfl.nu/1fwn
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  (804): View more from Virginia

  I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate

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  (804): I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate http://tfl.nu/clkd
  Replies (6) Good night (1511) Bad night (443) Order T-Shirt
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  Did you fuck him in my garden last night?

  (1-847): View more from Illinois

  That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina

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  (847): Did you fuck him in my garden last night? (1-847): That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina http://tfl.nu/gy1z
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.

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  (630): Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger. http://tfl.nu/07lb
  Replies (3) Good night (658) Bad night (193) Order T-Shirt
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.

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  (+44): If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned. http://tfl.nu/qyit
  Replies (8) Good night (296) Bad night (1066) Order T-Shirt
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  (541): View more from Oregon

  is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??

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  (541): is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to?? http://tfl.nu/l7wp
  Replies (6) Good night (165) Bad night (344) Order T-Shirt

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