The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
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My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
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I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.