My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.