Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
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Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
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Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.