I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
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You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
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Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do