she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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