trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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