The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
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As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
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Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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