the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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