I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
