i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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