I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
