When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize
