So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
