I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
