i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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