We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
