This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
