you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
