Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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