Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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