Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
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